Sunday, April 10, 2011

Actions speak louder than words- a reminder

Our youngest daughter reminded  me of something powerful this morning. Yesterday we were out as a family when something reminded C of a frightening experience that she had in the orphanage. It is funny how the brain and memory works. The smallest things can "take us back in time" to a memory that we had forgotten. However when your oldest memories are all painful these sudden "flashbacks" can also be very painful. C and I had a long talk about her memory and I did my best to comfort her. After we got home I put her to bed and all seemed well. However, when she woke up this morning I could tell that she still wasn't doing well. She was moody and it wasn't long before she began to cry again. Kevin and I talked to her as I held her and wiped her tears. She talked about things that she has never talked about before. Disturbing things that she had suddenly remembered. After explaining things to her and helping her see how different things were now she cheered up and was herself again. The last few months we have been trying to get her to talk about her feelings more, to help her learn how to express herself. After she felt better we wanted to show her how talking about it helped. So as she got off of my lap Kevin asked, "Are you feeling better now C?" To which she replied that yes she was. So he asked her, "Do you know what made you feel better?" And she answered saying, "Yes, Mom hugged me until I felt better." We were both surprised by her answer but she was right. We hugged her and kissed her and wiped away her tears. We held her hand and rocked her. And yes, we talked to her too. But it wasn't the talking that made her feel safe and loved. It was our actions that spoke louder than our words. It was a powerful reminder to me how much our actions mean.


  1. So special! I'm so glad she has you to feel safe, and you have her to hug!